A Big Decision

Opie was baptized a few weeks ago.

He'd been throwing all kinds of questions at us for a while. Then, he started saying, "Mom, I really want to know more about God."

So, we talked. A lot.

At one point he said, "Mom, I feel like the more answers I get, the more questions I have."

Welcome to life.

"Son, it will always be that way," I told Him. "And that's okay. Just remember, that committing your life to follow Christ doesn't mean you will have all of the answers. It just means that no matter what your questions are, you choose to always put your trust in Jesus."

I was then able (with a lump in my throat) to share the true beauty of following Christ. How He has (despite my wondering heart) continued to pursue me and fill me with hope, love and peace. 

April 14, 2013. Jayden's baptism and first communion. 

As I watch my oldest son grow and mature into an amazing little man, my heart is humbled.

Because I know ME.

But, the beauty is that God has still used this selfish, sometimes-grumpy Momma to lead her child towards the only One who can bring true wholeness to His life. 

And my heart is full. Beyond what I could ever have asked or imagined. 

Lord, continue to use me to point my boys to You, the Creator and Perfecter of my faith. May I only boast in my weaknesses, because when I am weak, You are strong. Change me to be like Jesus. And may my boys seek after the very Heart that brought theirs to life. 

Rising Above the Vomit

Crazy month.

I'll summarize it:

Car wreck. ER trip (not related to car wreck). Vomit. Diarrhea. Vomit. Diarrhea. ER trip. Fever. Chills. Endoscopy (see pic above). Heartburn. Diarrhea. Strep Throat. More Diarrhea. Spend Small Fortune on Probiotics. More Strep Throat. 

And that's just the highlights. (There have been a few days of rest in there.)

Can I say something, though?

The old me would have repeated, "Why me?" over and over in my head. I would have wanted to run for the hills, wordy-dirds flying all the way. (Ok, I might have mumbled a few wordy-dirds. Hey, I ain't perfect."

Not that I haven't had my moments of, "Seriously? Does someone have a voodoo doll character set for my family?"

But, in the midst of it all, God has whispered the true summary of the past month to my heart.

"Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed, Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed."

My circumstances didn't get better, but by standing firm in the belief that God is good in the midst of the chaos, my attitude changed. 

God's goodness seems questionable at times. That is just how our human minds think. We only see the here and now.

But God isn't human. Thank goodness. 

Trust in His goodness, even when things aren't "good."

That is when He changes us to be more like Christ. 

Ask God to help you rise above your circumstances this week, as I continue to do the same! 

(And, while you're at it, ask Him to cut me a little break on the ER trips.)

The Lord is good to all;

    he has compassion on all he has made. 

Psalm 145:9

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-25

Blessed Indeed.

What's Your Value?

I've been laying very low lately. And for me, that is hard.

I like going. Doing.

But, I've been asking myself lately, "Why do I do what I do?"

I constantly found myself tired, bitter, jealous and even depressed. After this pattern in my life for as far back as I can remember, God has graciously shown me something.

It all boils down to where I am looking for my value.

I want others to like me. Ok, not just like me. REALLY like me. To think I am something special. Worth something. Valuable.

That's not all together wrong. Every one wants to be liked. It's part of being human.

But, I realized that half of what I was doing was a feeble attempt to find self-worth.

Case in point:

I put pressures on myself to cook more elaborate meals, decorate harder for holidays, clean better, workout, dress more stylish and even plan family activities in order to "measure up" or "keep up" with what it sure seems everyone else out there is doing.

And then, I had to "document" it through Instagram, Facebook and other "look at me" arenas. Why? 

The truth is, most of my life is unglamorous. And, yet I have found myself trying so hard to convince myself and others otherwise. It is maddening!

Now, while I recognize this is my struggle, I am convinced that it is a prevalent problem.

Why do any of us feel the need to share the glorious moments of our lives?

We can't wait to post a pic of our perfect vacation, our kitchen re-do, or our skinny pictures. We work hard to let others know that we have performed our "wifely duties" and created a meal worthy of Martha Stewart. We post statuses of how fantastic our family outing was or how picture-perfect our kid's birthday party was. We even use our cell phones as mini-glamour-shot sessions to get a picture worthy of our Facebook profile shot.

Am I the only one who sees how sick this is getting?

Deep down, we want people to think we are worth something. We want to impress. To prove that we are (or once were) smart, organized, creative, funny, and pretty. Valuable.

We are all searching for value.

Where we find it, though, can be glorious or dangerous.

Are you losing sight of where your value is? I was.

Do you realize that your worth isn't found in your waistline, your husband, your ability to home-school your kids, your pocketbook, your number of blog-followers, your well-behaved children, your fashion-sense or any other darn-tootin' earthly thing?

The truth is, we are worth more than gold.

And it is by nothing we do. It is because of Whose we are.

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God sent His Son to prove my value. I'm learning to REST in that fact.


Please, share how God might be showing you that you are seeking value in the wrong places? I love hearing from you. We are in this together!

Do I Really Believe?

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God's been up to a lot.

In fact, the past three weeks have been the most challenging to my faith.

Ever.

A wrecked car, lots of throw-up, and a child with a yet-to-be-determined health problem are just a few of the things that have been on my plate.

But, in the moments of despair or uncertainty, I have heard this question in my heart:

"Does your faith meet you in the reality of this situation?"

If not, it's mere words and it isn't REAL.

God does not need lip service. (He sees right through it, actually.) 

He LOVES our hearts, even as broken and human as they are. 

I am weak and tired.

He has promised, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

But, do I believe that? 

Or do I keep going and going until I break down on my kids or my husband or BOTH?

I am learning to apply my faith. I have, in my weaknesses lately, been able to see things that God has been trying to reveal about myself for a long time. 

And as hard as it is, I am thankful...

That He loves me too much to leave me as I am. 

That He wants me to EXPERIENCE the full life, not just psychologically convince myself that I am living it already. 

His Word is living. And I am glad to say I am just now really learning what that means. 

Hey, better late than never, right?

Talking Peanut

Peanut has had me cracking up ever since he started yapping.

I mean, He is a talker.

He gets it honest.

He is full of personality and can carry on a conversation at the ripe old age of two.

Here are two of my recent faves:

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We were on the couch. I was on my laptop and Peanut was playing games on my iPhone.

I yelled at Opie as he ran outside, "Make sure you shut the door!" 

I didn't hear a door slam. As I leaned to see if it was closed, I said out loud to myself, "Well, did he shut it or not?"

Peanut didn't even look up from his game. "I hope so," he said. 

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Opie had been having trouble with his first punk kid bully. 

After dropping him off at school one morning, I started talking to myself, rehearsing things he could say if the kid hit him again. I guess I got a little into it.

I said out loud (very passionately), "What do you think you're doing?"

From the backseat, a little voice piped up.

"I don' know."

_________________________________________________________________________________

That Peanut...

He has my heart.

Girl Scout Cookie Smackdown

There are few things I am certain of in life.

One is that, come March, it's Girl Scout cookie time. 

And that means two things: Thin Mints & Samoas, the latter being my favorite.

My Husband ordered two boxes at work this year: His Tagalongs and My Samoas. I got my Thin Mints from a neighbor.

But, it's a downward spiral from there.

Here's a lil' peek into our conversation yesterday in the kitchen: 

(Disclaimer: Children under 14 might need to stop reading at this point. Mature content to follow.)

Picture the Hubs. Standing in the kitchen. Just finishing lunch. Eating the last of the thin mints I'd used so much self-conrol with. (Take note: I was waiting to use my calorie-frenzy on the Samoas that had yet to arrive.)

Hubs: "I still haven't gotten the Tagalongs from work yet." (pause...nom, nom...casually biting into his Thin Mint) 

And then he dropped a bomb on me. 

"I made the mistake of opening the Samoas yesterday at my desk. (laughing to himself) Everyone who came to see me grabbed a few and before I knew it they were gone!" (again, with the laughing)

Ain't nobody laughin' over here Captain Spock.

The rest of the conversation was a blur. 

I think I even blacked out at some point. 

And as for my wonderful, precious, awesome Husband?

Oh, He knows better now then to ever mess with my Samoas. 

And, just so you know?

I had myself a brand new box of my annual indulgence by the end of the day. 

PS. I did tell my husband I wanted the names and addresses of each coward that stole from my original box. Justice will be served. 

Holy Moly

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I've got five minutes.

That's it.

Then Opie will be walking in the door.

Uh-oh. I hear Peanut stirring from his nap... I only have a couple minutes now...

GO.

It's been an amazing week.

The kind where you feel God working and changing you to another level of faith.

It's exciting.

And uncomfortable.

I really like when I feel that I "get it."

But, the thing is, God constantly shows me that I don't "got it." (I know that was incorrect grammar; just roll with it...)

He's opening up my eyes to things.

LOTS of things.

So many, that I don't even know what to focus on in the blog.

Here's the major ones:

**I feel like God has placed a dream on my heart.

**He's challenging me on how I balance pursuing physical beauty and internal beauty.

**He's shown me how complacent I've become in my faith and how I've watered Him down in my way of thinking.

**He has revealed an internal dialogue of sabotage that goes on in my mind.

**He has brought me back to a place where I realize that He is bigger than I could ever imagine, and that my little life is so much more than I realize.

**He's opened my eyes to show me that I've become a mom and a wife serving through bitterness and selfishness instead of joy and purpose.

And, that's just to name a few... (What can I say? I'm screwed up.)

Now, I'm no scholar.

And I am about as weak and human as they come.

But, when you seek God and He is faithful to reveal things to the inner most parts of your heart,

you listen.

So, I wanted to ask of you, my fabulous readers, what should I write about in this internal smorgasbord of thoughts?

I LOVE your comments. I appreciate them. Please, let me know what you think.

I do this as a ministry to bring laughter and hope to ladies like us.

If you have it all together, giiiiiiiiirl, have you came to the wrong blog...




PS. Some of you might think, "What are you, a preacher?"
Nope. Not a preacher.
Just a messed up momma who God has changed.
And I want to live my life to the fullest because that is what God promised.
And it's a promise I intend on seeing lived out...