Holy Moly

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I've got five minutes.

That's it.

Then Opie will be walking in the door.

Uh-oh. I hear Peanut stirring from his nap... I only have a couple minutes now...

GO.

It's been an amazing week.

The kind where you feel God working and changing you to another level of faith.

It's exciting.

And uncomfortable.

I really like when I feel that I "get it."

But, the thing is, God constantly shows me that I don't "got it." (I know that was incorrect grammar; just roll with it...)

He's opening up my eyes to things.

LOTS of things.

So many, that I don't even know what to focus on in the blog.

Here's the major ones:

**I feel like God has placed a dream on my heart.

**He's challenging me on how I balance pursuing physical beauty and internal beauty.

**He's shown me how complacent I've become in my faith and how I've watered Him down in my way of thinking.

**He has revealed an internal dialogue of sabotage that goes on in my mind.

**He has brought me back to a place where I realize that He is bigger than I could ever imagine, and that my little life is so much more than I realize.

**He's opened my eyes to show me that I've become a mom and a wife serving through bitterness and selfishness instead of joy and purpose.

And, that's just to name a few... (What can I say? I'm screwed up.)

Now, I'm no scholar.

And I am about as weak and human as they come.

But, when you seek God and He is faithful to reveal things to the inner most parts of your heart,

you listen.

So, I wanted to ask of you, my fabulous readers, what should I write about in this internal smorgasbord of thoughts?

I LOVE your comments. I appreciate them. Please, let me know what you think.

I do this as a ministry to bring laughter and hope to ladies like us.

If you have it all together, giiiiiiiiirl, have you came to the wrong blog...




PS. Some of you might think, "What are you, a preacher?"
Nope. Not a preacher.
Just a messed up momma who God has changed.
And I want to live my life to the fullest because that is what God promised.
And it's a promise I intend on seeing lived out...

Perfection is Over-Rated

Some days I get it "perfect."

I wake up happy.
I cook a healthy breakfast and remember to take my vitamins. :)
I workout at the gym.
I play with my boys, without a looming to-do list in the back of my mind.
I read my Bible.
I don't check Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest umpteen times.
I get laundry caught up.
I actually clean the kitchen.
I kiss my husband when he walks in the door.
We eat a home-cooked dinner together.
We share a Bible story and pray together as a family before bedtime.
The kids go to bed with one of my make-up-as-I-go shadow puppet shows.
My husband and I enjoy the last minutes before shut-eye chatting over a cup of tea.

Those are the days I feel great. Like I've got it together. I mean, I deserve a Suzy-homemaker ribbon, right? I can close my eyes and mentally pat myself on the back, because I did it.

But, then, day two begins.

I wake up exhausted.
I'm too tired to cook and do those dang dishes, so I whip out the cereal and milk.
I skip the gym and kick myself for doing so later.
I'm with my boys, but mentally thinking of the oodles of things I should be doing.
I notice my Bible.
I Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest while the laundry beckons.
I think of the dust on top of the fridge and mentally want to shut down.
I verbally and emotionally unload on my husband the moment he walks in the door.
We order pizza. (which makes my earlier gym decision all the more regretful)
The kids run around like wild stallions.
We do a quick family "fill-your-quota" kind of prayer.
I basically threaten the children's existence if they even think about calling my name or getting up out of the bed, because Mommy. Is. Done.
My husband flips on the TV and prays to himself that I will just go to bed for the love of all that is good in this world.
No tea.

Those are the days I don't talk about. The days where inside, I am literally crying out to God, "Why can't I get it together? What is wrong with me?"

Those days are rough.

And, I've tried muscling through it. Praying through it. Reading scripture through it. Positively talking to myself through it. Making lists. Following schedules. Trying the next big thing to get my act together.

But, the truth is. I can't do anything. Sure, I still plug away at willing myself to change. But, my sheer will and human nature will fail me every time.

It is He who must work. It is on those "perfect" days where, though grateful as I may be, I seem to rely on Him a little less. After all, I did it pretty well on my own, thank-you-very-much.

But, those days when it all falls apart, physically and emotionally, I am forced to look beyond myself and see my need for help. For a Savior.

I could have a perfect day each day. Where my house is totally spic'n span. Where my verbal outbursts are nonexistent. Where my self-discipline allows me to follow my set schedule down to the letter. But, it is not on those days where I am forced to come to grips with how much I need His help.

I'm a mess. 

But, the good exciting amazing news is, He is changing me.

The daily imperfections of life and ourselves are the very thing that should cause us to fall on our knees and be thankful that He came. So, that in the ashes, we can take confidence that it isn't in our ability that beauty will rise. It is in His alone.

So, let you and I take heart.

We don't have to have it all together. He is our perfection and in that we have hope.

My "perfect" days are few and far between. And for that, I am learning to be thankful.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9

Letter to Myself

Dear Self,

I know you mean well, but the high expectations you constantly place on me unintentionally make life seem impossible. It's daunting enough just trying to stay on top of things, but why do you make me feel like I'm always supposed to be doing more?

More crafts. More exercise. More cleaning. More home-cooked meals. More one-on-one time with my children.  More Bible time. More organization. More. More. More.

And, it's never enough.

I'm not skinny enough. Healthy enough. I don't clean enough. I'm not creative enough. Pretty enough. Fashionable enough. Spiritual enough. Disciplined enough. Nice enough. Fun enough. Hospitable enough. Smart enough. Thankful enough.

So, I try so hard to be better.

Better at saving money. Better with my time. Better at slowing down. Better at speeding up. Better at being a wife. Being a better friend. Better at household management. Being a better parent.

And just when I think I'm doing better, someone else comes along who's doing more, and again, I'm back to feeling like I'm not enough.

Why can't I just ever be enough?


Sincerely Exhausted,

 Me

Have you ever felt like you could have written the above letter? Maybe it's just me, but we all have times as women where we struggle with just feeling like we are simply enough. That we are loved and appreciated just as we are.

 There's a movie I saw years ago called, "Forces of Nature", with Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock. In one scene, they are dancing, and Sandra starts giving Ben marriage advice, since he is headed to his wedding. One line has stuck with me after all of these years. She says to him, "No matter what annoying habits she has, just realize that she's dealing with a huge mountain of imperfections every day. So you might just want to let it go."

I loved that line! As women, we set such high expectations on ourselves and struggle with what to do when we can't live up to them.

News Flash: 

Your imperfections do not define who you are. 

They have made you who you are. 

You're enough because God made you and loves you just as you are.

You don't have to be better  or try harder for His love.

He loves you more than you ever thought possible.                           

Enough actually is enough.

Trying to be better is fine, but do it in the understanding that you are already enough. 

You are worth way more than you give yourself credit for. 

You really are. 

Sincerely,