My Man

He is laid back.

He is wise.

He is faithful.

He is forgiving.

He is a rock.

He is my biggest fan.

He speaks less and listens more.

He has walked through the fire with me... and and held my hand the whole way.

He is an amazing Daddy.

He is my boys' hero.

He builds forts, shoots guns, and lets Opie have a knife collection. 

He loves my boys with a firm, relentless love. 

He makes the future seem full of hope and possibilities.

He's more than I deserve. 

He ain't perfect. 

But, He's great in the ways that count.

Thank you, Lord, for this man. 

He is Your Man. 

Happy Father's Day 

to an amazing Daddy to my boys!

Parenting Beyond the Playground

The hard part of parenting is beginning.

I've enjoyed parenting small children. 

I've been able to guide, distract, direct, and spanky-spoon my kids into proper behavior. They aren't perfect kids by any means, but parenting seems more black and white when children are younger.

"Don't hit the kid with the stick."

"Pick up your toys or you'll go to time-out."

"If you do that again, you will not get ice cream."

I consider that "playground parenting", which is highly important and necessary. Don't underestimate laying the foundation for good behavior when your kids are little.

But now, parenting has taken on a whole new meaning. 

Opie has dealt with a lot the past few years: moving multiple times far away from friends and family, dealing with a traveling Father, and lately, his unidentified sickness.

I knew it had taken a toll on him. Tonight he shared his thoughts.

And I was humbled.

I have never felt so unable. 

I felt so inadequate listening to him. Trying to comfort him. Trying to make sense of his heart's precious words. 

How could I expect to impart wisdom to a nine year old things that I am still struggling with myself?!?!

But, I was reminded in my heart that I can't focus on myself. In fact, I told him, "I will let you down. Because I am human. I will not handle this all perfectly. God is the only one who will never do you wrong, even when you think otherwise."

Opie and I. High Point State Park, NJ. June 2013

Can I just say, booooy, do I want to "fix" Opie. I want to take it all away. His fears and anxiety. His worry. His troubles. 

But, I can't.

I can continue to seek God, though. And to ask Him to lead me. To change me. To teach me to lean on Him for my strength.

And encourage Opie to do the same.

I will continue to be there for my son. 

I will listen.

And love.

And cuddle with him as he drifts off to sleep. 

Yes, this is the tough side of parenting that I wasn't prepared for. 

But, then again, none of us are. We are each flawed people, full of backgrounds and plenty of our own internal "junk." 

The good news is: God can take my weak, fragile heart and through the Spirit of Jesus, grant me the grace, humility and power to lead my precious Opie through this storm of life.

And by golly, I am his Mom. So I WILL accept that challenge. 

Opie and I. High Point State Park, NJ. June 2013.

Lord, lead me. Minute by minute. Take Opie's mind and fill it with your peace. Your strength. Your hope. Help me to be radically changed by your Spirit so that I may have the ability to be the Mom I need to be for Him. I can not do it without you, Lord. I will fail miserably if it is by my strength. You are in control. May I be the hands and feet and words of Jesus to my children. Teach me Lord. I am willing to learn. May Opie come to know your tenderness and love in the depths of his heart. May he lay his worries at your feet and live a life full of your Presence. Please help me model what that looks like right in front of him. 

Big Bottoms and Pirates

Every mother has horror stories.

You know. 

The ones where your kids observe something or someone in public.

Then they say their observation out loud. 

Where others can hear. 

Including the person they are "observing."

Both of my boys have done it. 

Opie. Christmas 2008.

When Opie was two, we were at the grocery store waiting behind a lady in the checkout line. Let's just say this lady had a little "junk in her trunk." 

And Opie noticed. 

Standing two feet behind her behind, he shouted, "Mom! That lady's got a BIG BOTTOM!"

Mor. Ti. Fied.

Peanut. June 2013.

Today, while checking out at the grocery store (What is it with my boys and grocery store check out lines?), Peanut started going nuts and saying loudly, "Mom, look! It's a pirate! A pirate, Mommy! Look!" 

Opie and I turned around to see what he was going on about. I figured he had spotted a large poster or a T-shirt with a skull and crossbones on it. 

Nope. 

There was an old man behind us checking out. 

Wearing an eye-patch. 

I whipped my head back around at whiplash speed while the checkout clerk let out a muffled, "Ohhhhhh no."

Oh yeah. We got outta there. 

Real quick-like.


What are your horror stories? Leave them in a comment! Anyone else have bad luck in check-out lines besides me? :)

Random. Totally.

I'd like to meet the people who go around placing red stickers on deer-crossing signs.  I've seen hundreds of those deer transformed into Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer all the way from Alabama to Jersey. 

I wonder if they have a stash of red circular stickers in their car at all times. 

How do they find the time to pull over on highways and back roads, stand tippy-toed and put that sticker on the deer's nose?

It would seem they share my love for all things Christmas. 

But, that's a whole 'nother level of Yuletide commitment.

I wonder if it's considered vandalism. 

I'd totally plead their case in court. 

I wonder if these polka-dotted deer signs are actually manufactured, which makes me look like a total doofus thinking they are stickers.

A Little Light

At Chuck E. Cheese for Opie's birthday get-away day

I wouldn't blame you if you thought my blog had turned into gloom and doom. 

It's a heavy season of life.

But, seasons pass. 

And just to show you that God throws a little light into the darkness, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite light moments lately:

Opie, being silly.

Austin loves playing the game "Wipe Out" on the Wii. He and Jayden were playing it the other day while I was in another room reading my Bible. I overheard them talking so sweetly to each other. (which is reason to celebrate in our home...) 

Jayden said, " You're the best brother ever." Austin replied, "You a good buddy. Oh my gosh! It went towards me. Your turn!" When they won the game, Austin shouted, "We just won a hunj-chousan-dah'yers!" 

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Jayden gave me advice when he saw I was a little overwhelmed. It was advice I'd previously given him. He said, "Mom, don't worry about tomorrow because today has enough trouble of it's own." (Matthew 6:34) 

Glad something good I said is sticking with him, though, right?!?! 

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I found out my Mom is wanted for pillow thievery. Hilarious long story that made me laugh 'til I cried.

I love when hilarious stories are God's way of bringing a little light into our dark moments. :)

Peanut, at a Scranton, PA Trailblazers game. Who can be down when you are at a ballgame with Spiderman and Cracker Jacks? 

Lord, in the dark, allow me to see the light moments. Thank you for laughter. For sunshine. For my family. And for being a God who loves to make me smile even in the midst of trials. I love you. 

Dark Moments

It's been the hardest two months of my life, watching my child go through physical illness with no answers from doctors.

Seeing his fear and worry. Hearing his prayers for healing. Answering his questions, "Why won't God heal me, Mama?"

NOT easy.

There have been low moments. Dark moments.

I wish I could say I've passed this test so far with flying colors, but that wouldn't be truthful.

When catastrophe hits, the real me comes out.

My distrust with God shows. My anger and resentment take over. My worry, fear, anxiety and selfishness become second nature.

But, something has changed in me this time. 

God has plunged into the depths of my heart. To bring to light areas that I have avoided. Areas I've neglected to hand over. Areas too painful to deal with.

He has used these dark moments to show me how only He can bring hope into a hopeless situation. (I have read scripture on God's hope over and over and over the past couple of weeks.) I have cried many tears and begged and pleaded with Him. I have had to be painfully honest with myself. 

You see, He has shown me that I've been too busy... with life. I've been a distracted parent and wife.

I've neglected important things because I've been distracted by unimportant things.


But, funny how when your child is sick, nothing else matters except getting them well. "Things" no longer matter at ALL.


What matters is, God has brought hope to my heart. He has filled me with peace that passes understanding. He has used this trial to transform me, my family and best of all, my relationship with Opie.

I've loved Opie, but I have not loved him well. 

I won't say I'm thankful my child is sick. No WAY. 

But, what I will say, is I am thankful for a God who radically pursues my heart and will use even the worst situations to turn my heart towards Him. Because he wants me to live this life in the full knowledge of how much he loves me. He wants me to intimately know Him. 

We will continue to pray for healing and also follow the doctor's recommendations. But, at the end of the day, I will rest in the arms of the One who spoke into existence all things. That brings my heart peace, knowing Opie is in the palm of His hands. 



Lord, grant me the strength to keep going. The faith to stay hopeful. The wisdom to make the right decisions for my precious son. And the ability to look for ways to bless others even in my dark times. Thank you for changing me. For opening my eyes to see that I had become a negative, overworked, stressed out, selfish Momma. Force me to soak in these fleeting moments with my two boys. Help me stop rushing. To play more. Wander more. To let the dust bunnies roam freely. I want to be changed, so that my boys can see You in me. Lord, you are faithful. I will praise You in all things. Thank you for healing my heart and giving me hope.

I WILL be different. I will NOT live with regrets. 

Here's to soaking it in....

My Birthday Boy

May 16, 2004. 10:17 am. An angel arrived. 
8 lb. 10 oz. 21"

Goodness personified. 

Today my first born turned nine.

Opie is a gift from God.

He is my obedient, tender-hearted child.

He wishes so badly to please others and to excel at all he does.

He is thoughtful, considerate and kind.

He is a dreamer and I love that about him.

More than anything, he is full of life. His laughter and ability to make others laugh is one of his many gifts.

He is special. I mean, special.

I think I take him for granted sometimes, since he is such an easy-going kid.

He has a bright future ahead of him.

Bright like his hair.

The hair that I still hold the first cut locks of.

This boy has been a joy to raise.

A sheer joy.

Age 3: Greenville, SC. At the park by the zoo. He loved that playground.

Age 3: Visiting cousins in Atlanta, GA.
I wish I could have made time stand still in this moment. He was giggling on the trampoline.
I remember not being able to take my eyes off of him. 

Age 3: The house he was first raised in. He used to climb up inside this chest of drawers/armoire on top of my clothes. I remember thinking at the time, "One day, I'll look back at this when he's too big to fit inside and realize what a precious moment this was." I was right.
Time, why must you hurry so?

Age 3: Greenville, SC. Near Reedy River Falls. A day of perfection. Look at that innocence and joy on his face. Oh, to be a child again. 

Age 4: Birmingham, AL. Our apartment at the Summit. I heard, "Mom! Come look!" And this is what I rounded the corner to. I grabbed my camera and laughed hysterically. What a silly boy!

Age 4. Birmingham Botanical Gardens. He was a ham for the camera. I remember feeling such a sense of fulfillment to see my first born growing into such a good, funny boy.
I was enthralled by this guy. Still am. 

Age 4. Visiting friends at Margeo land. He got to shoot his Daddy's B.B. gun and go four-wheeling and camping in a cabin. He still loves this kind of stuff. ALL boy.

Fifth Birthday at Crossbridge Church. He had a dinosaur decorated party in the gym with a bouncy house. It was the easiest and best party he'd had so far. 

Age 5. Gardendale, AL. Our little Alabama home. And our first snow there. It was fantastic. 

Age 6. Finally got the little brother he'd prayed for.
And what an amazing big brother he has been ever since.

Age 6. New Jersey. Celebrating his favorite holiday at the time: St. Patrick''s Day. However, after finding out that leprechauns weren't real, he was devastated and the holiday has never been the same. 

Turning 8 last year in Jersey. His Miami Heat basketball party. His favorite party of all time. 

Age 8. Christmas 2012. Made this gingerbread house with Mommy. Love those moments with him.

Age 8. NYC March 2013. Visited the Intrepid while Maw-Maw was in town. He loved the planes, but he does NOT love NYC. :)

Age 8. November 2012. Still a ham for the camera. And what a future this kid has....

Celebrating turning nine at Chuck E. Cheese. What a blessed day.

You make my heart full, Opie.

My tears over your growing up are comforted by the fact 

that I know you will grow into a man of God and do great things. 

I love you, son.

Remember to be patient with yourself, as you have your whole life ahead of you to become the man I know you will become. Laugh more. Worry less. And never forget that God created you for a specific purpose. A purpose that you are fulfilling every day. 
I love you more than life.