Oh, I sat down numerous times and began to write. But, it would open up a floodgate of emotions and I would end up deleting it all.
The past few months were the hardest I have ever lived, watching my son battle health issues and anxiety.
I cried out to God harder and louder than ever before.
I prayed for healing. I prayed to hear His Voice. I prayed for clarity, sanity, wisdom, patience, grace....But, most of all, I just prayed that I could keep it together for my children one. day. at a time.
I would love to say I handled it all with grace, dignity and faith. But, I didn't.
I was angry, anxious and bitter.
The bottom line?
I questioned God's goodness. His faithfulness. His trustworthiness.
And honestly? I wasn't too sure He had me like I thought He had.
But, in the midst of the storm, God, in His great mercy and love, kept whispering to this Momma that this battle was about more than Opie's health. To open my heart to Him and let Him guide my steps.
As we are now coming out of the ashes, I am truly humbled at the lessons that God allowed me to
And, though I have so far to go, I am grateful that He heard my prayers and led me step by step.
Minute by minute.
I may never know the reasons why He allowed all of this to take place. I will, however, never cease to be amazed at how He used it for good...
It is through the storm that we truly are forced to rely on His strength.
Lord, you know me inside and out. You have seen my highs and lows. You have carried me through these past few months. I am thankful for your healing in Opie's life. To see my son laughing and eating without pain is something I can't take for granted. But, while I waited for your answer, you used that time to change me. You healed parts of me where I had built walls. You revealed hard truths that I was avoiding. You taught me how to trust you more. You heard this Momma's prayers and held me in the palm of Your Hand when I was too angry and weak to go on. Your faithfulness is too great for me to understand. May I forever be changed. Thank you. For loving me too much to give me what I want. For knowing me so deeply. For taking this heart and mind and continually peeling back the layers of it to reveal Your heart in me. I pray that this change will be evident to those around me and that You will penetrate their deepest hurts to bring about healing in those dark places. You are good. You are faithful. You are my Rock. And I will spend my days serving You and thanking You for all you have done.
He is able.