Peanut Smells Weakness

Peanut holding a sand flea in Nags Head. Outer Banks, August 2013.

I've become that parent.  

With my first child I was the "on-top-of-it-all disciplinarian." No bad deed went unpunished. With every negative behavior, I was right there to guide and correct. But, most of all? I followed through. If I said, "no" I meant "no." I was stern and firm. (and probably patted myself on the back for doing such a fine job at this parenting thing...)

Then Peanut came along. 

He bats his eyes, folks. LITERALLY. Bats his eyes to get his way! He is one little package of bluff-calling cuteness and He. has. my. number.

Lately, he has been testing his limits like a pro. In fact, he has mastered the art of wearing me down with incredible laser-like precision.

Case in point:


I have been pushing for him to drink more water. Less milk and juice. More of the clear stuff.  

But, Boy looooooves some chocolate milk. With an unbridled passion.

Drinking his beloved "choc-ut milk" with Opie. 

I'll bet he asks me ten times a day for chocolate milk. Ten times, I tell ya! At least. 

And if begging for chocolate milk doesn't seem to be getting him anywhere, he moves on to the lesser of two evils... 

Juice. 

"Mommy, can I have choc-ut milk?"

"NO."

"But, I want cho-cut milk."

"NO."

"Can I have choc-ut milk?"

"Are you kidding me? NO!" 

"But, I WANT CHOC-UT MILK!"

"I. said. 'NOOOO'!"

"Can I have gw-ape juice?"

"NoooooOOOO. You can have water."

"But I want gw-ape juice?"

"WATER!"

"Can I have ow-ange juice?"

(At this point, I begin to question my sanity.)

"You may have water. That is it. Now, hush!"

"But, I don't want water! I. WANT. CHOC-UT. MILK!"

Aaaaaand he full-circled his way baaack to chocolate milk. 

Like a champ.

And I cave. 

'Cuz I'm WEAK!

Turtleback Zoo, NJ. August 2013. "Mommy, can I put my head in dat water?"

Who knew I'd be going toe-to-toe with this teeny-tiny munchkin???? Persistent little booger! And as frustrated as I get, I wanna squeeze the livin' daylights out of him 'cuz he's even adorable peck-peck-pecking away at my resolve!

But, it's time to add a little something to my lipstick and mascara repertoire.

War paint.

Oh, Peanut...it. is. ON!  

The Calm After The Storm

I've been wanting to blog.

Honest.

Oh, I sat down numerous times and began to write. But, it would open up a floodgate of emotions and I would end up deleting it all.

The past few months were the hardest I have ever lived, watching my son battle health issues and anxiety.

I cried out to God harder and louder than ever before.

I prayed for healing. I prayed to hear His Voice. I prayed for clarity, sanity, wisdom, patience, grace....But, most of all, I just prayed that I could keep it together for my children one. day. at a time.

I would love to say I handled it all with grace, dignity and faith. But, I didn't.

I was angry, anxious and bitter.

The bottom line?

I questioned God's goodness. His faithfulness. His trustworthiness.

And honestly? I wasn't too sure He had me like I thought He had.

But, in the midst of the storm, God, in His great mercy and love, kept whispering to this Momma that this battle was about more than Opie's health. To open my heart to Him and let Him guide my steps.

As we are now coming out of the ashes, I am truly humbled at the lessons that God allowed me to
learn.

And, though I have so far to go, I am grateful that He heard my prayers and led me step by step.

Minute by minute.

I may never know the reasons why He allowed all of this to take place. I will, however, never cease to be amazed at how He used it for good...

It is through the storm that we truly are forced to rely on His strength.

Lord, you know me inside and out. You have seen my highs and lows. You have carried me through these past few months. I am thankful for your healing in Opie's life. To see my son laughing and eating without pain is something I can't take for granted. But, while I waited for your answer, you used that time to change me. You healed parts of me where I had built walls. You revealed hard truths that I was avoiding. You taught me how to trust you more. You heard this Momma's prayers and held me in the palm of Your Hand when I was too angry and weak to go on. Your faithfulness is too great for me to understand. May I forever be changed. Thank you. For loving me too much to give me what I want. For knowing me so deeply. For taking this heart and mind and continually peeling back the layers of it to reveal Your heart in me. I pray that this change will be evident to those around me and that You will penetrate their deepest hurts to bring about healing in those dark places. You are good. You are faithful. You are my Rock. And I will spend my days serving You and thanking You for all you have done.

He is able.