Thursday, June 6, 2013

Big Bottoms and Pirates

Every mother has horror stories.

You know. 

The ones where your kids observe something or someone in public.

Then they say their observation out loud

Where others can hear

Including the person they are "observing."

Both of my boys have done it. 

Opie. Christmas 2008.
When Opie was two, we were at the grocery store waiting behind a lady in the checkout line. Let's just say this lady had a little "junk in her trunk." 

And Opie noticed. 

Standing two feet behind her behind, he shouted, "Mom! That lady's got a BIG BOTTOM!"

Mor. Ti. Fied.

Peanut. June 2013.

Today, while checking out at the grocery store (What is it with my boys and grocery store check out lines?), Peanut started going nuts and saying loudly, "Mom, look! It's a pirate! A pirate, Mommy! Look!

Opie and I turned around to see what he was going on about. I figured he had spotted a large poster or a T-shirt with a skull and crossbones on it. 


There was an old man behind us checking out. 

Wearing an eye-patch. 

I whipped my head back around at whiplash speed while the checkout clerk let out a muffled, "Ohhhhhh no."

Oh yeah. We got outta there. 

Real quick-like.

What are your horror stories? Leave them in a comment! Anyone else have bad luck in check-out lines besides me? :)



  1. ah.. yeah. When Jasmine was about 3 we were in line at the checkout at Best Buy in FL. Apparently her head was the perfect level to be right in my own rear end without me knowing. As I start hearing people around me laugh and turn red, I look down at Jasmine who is laughing hysterically and the cashier (a young guy about 20, I was about 30) says "You didn't hear what she said" thru his laughter... I said "no, I didn't what did she say". At that point what felt like the entire store laughed and turned red, I felt like I was in the movie and the camera was zooming out in this time wharp type fashion and finally Jasmine says proudly "I said THIS. (as she sticks her head near my rear) p.u. ! your butt stinks!!!" as to which point I wished a big sinkhole would have developed right there in the Best Buy and swallowed me up whole.. And then there is the time she said to me in the bathroom at JC Penney "Mommy.... do you need a band aid?...." to which laughter came from every stall as I'm saying "shhh" of course, she gets LOUDER and says "Mommy.... why are you wearing a DIAPER???".. ughh. I could write a book.

    1. That is UNREAL embarrassing. I would have DIED!!

  2. Girl! You mean, like when your 4 year old girl asks you LOUDLY in the dressing room of a hoity toity store why your mama boobs are touching your belly button? Cuz, yeah. That.

    1. NO WAY!!! That is the funniest thing EVER! Hilarious!

  3. bahaha! at least it makes for a good story NOW! i've been lucky so far... Kellyn saw an old man with a big white beard wearing a red shirt at Wal-Mart once and called him Santa, but he thought it was funny.