Dare NOT to Compare

I confess. I am a recovering comparer. I have been a comparer for the majority of my life. I've compared everything. My body. My house. My talent. My clothes. My situation. My role as a Mom. My spirituality. And yes, even my husband.

My comparative nature started at a young age. In first grade, I was devastated when Chad McDermit chose the new girl over me. I remember studying her, wondering why I couldn't be as pretty as she was.  She wore her dark hair in a ponytail that flipped in one fantastic direction and had the perfect button nose. I had freckles and a mullet. (a fact my Mom vehemently denies)

That's me on the right, at age 5, when the comparing began. 

That was first grade, people! I'm a therapist's dream come true...

I have spent hours making myself (and others around me) miserable because I wasn't as "skinny", "wealthy" or as "perfectly put together" as someone else. I have allowed my thoughts to fester into jealousy and have mentally "thrown in the towel" on hopes that I could ever be as "whatever" as someone else.

What is it in us that wants so badly to be the best? My Mom used to say to me (often), "Brianne, there will always be somebody better [at something] than you. Somebody prettier. Somebody more athletic. Somebody richer."

Talk about devastating. I was so appalled that my own Mother would crush my spirit with such terrible advice. I swore to myself that I would not be like her, but, daggumit, every time I say that, I eat my words.

I have had to work hard on overcoming my comparing ways. I've done a lot of soul-searching and restructured my way of thinking. Here are some tips that have helped me overcome the comparison trap. (I come back to them constantly.)

1. I can not be the best at everything. I can only do my best at everything.  There is a big difference.

2. No one has been given the same circumstances. Be content with your circumstances (past or present) and learn from them daily. "A happy person doesn't have the best. They have learned to do the best with what they have."- Anonymous

3. We can sit around wishing we were a certain way or take small steps in becoming the person we want to be.

4. Write things down you are good at. Focus on using those gifts to help others. When we see the difference our gift makes, we are less likely to focus on things we aren't as good at.

5. Celebrate your individuality. Do things you love and enjoy. Don't spend all of your time looking at things you wish you could do. God has wired every person in unique ways. Enjoy being that unique person.

6. Everyone has struggles. Even the ones that seem to have it all together have "those" kind of days.

7. Learn from people you admire, but don't put them on a pedestal.

8. Everybody is different. Not just in looks, but in abilities. One person's "easy" is another person's "hard".

9. If you focus all of your energy into being like others, you will never be able to appreciate all that you already are.

10. Your worth is not in your abilities, but in that fact that you were fearfully and wonderfully made by a Creator who takes joy in knowing you.  


Turns out, my Mother may actually have known what she was talking about. And besides that, who wants to hang out with someone who is the best at everything? Imperfect people are way more fun. And I think I'm pretty fun to hang out with, if I do say so myself!

A Note from My Mom to You

My Mom and I - June 2012

My daughter’s blog is about “being real, not perfect,” but I must admit to being almost perfect this past year when it comes to achievement. I know this sounds boastful, but I preached 52 sermons, protected dozens of people with insurance as a New York Life agent, provided care to busy children and written and edited a weekly newspaper.

Not bad, huh? How did I do it? I planted the seeds for this level of achievement 37 years ago when I chose to be a mother. Back then my achievements were more along the lines of preparing one meal after another, sweeping the floor a couple of times a day and laundering two to three loads of clothes a day. Daily, I cared for three little children who are now a preacher, an insurance agent and a full-time mother. I wiped little noses, changed cloth diapers (my only choice for the first-born), and performed nursery rhymes and songs to an adoring crowd of three.

As for the part about the weekly newspaper? That was my only direct achievement. The other things I did indirectly.

Young mothers likely think the same way I thought back then – will these tasks ever end and will they ever pay off?

For me, these answers are yes and yes. I do not cook much these days. I sweep the floor maybe once every two weeks or so, and I laundry clothes once a week. My payoff is having three friends with whom I share a long history. It thrills me to see them carrying out their chores happily and dutifully.

God gets credit for my past ability to be happy and responsible during stressful times, such as the times He gave me the peace of mind and joy to endure times when the family’s checkbook did not quite balance, when the children needed extra care during sickness, and when the hot-water heater went out.

I stepped back into the role of caregiver to my daughter’s eight-year-old and 20-month-old this week, as I helped her recover from hip surgery. The piles of laundry, the smashed bananas on the floor, the early-morning, wakeup call from the little one all are seeds for the next generation.

My payoff then will be seeing my children help out their adult children however they can. It will be their joy. 

Oh Snap! Shots Needs YOU!

I recently was watching Fox News and Melania Trump (wife of the infamous Donald Trump) was on to promote her new jewelry line for QVC. After her plug, she offered some pictures of what her real life is like when the camera's aren't rolling.

I present, exhibit A:

photo source: http://milanesegal.blogspot.com

Well, thanks Mrs. Trump, but I highly doubt that. You see, here's what REAL looks like:

Seriously. Do you think any mother in her right mind would think that the picture of Mama Trump and son poolside was just a snapshot? In Alabama, we'd call that a "bunch of Hoo-ee".

Sure, I wouldn't expect her to post fat-pictures of herself or pics of young Barron William Trump running around with Superman undies over his head, but pictures that are posed usually don't tell the whole truth.

Well, I for one have had it! It is time to be real ladies! To air our dirty laundry...literally. Let's show each other the true ins-and-outs of motherhood. Think... the opposite of Martha Stewart.

Why can't we share and laugh about the reality of life? To see that another mom, ok, lots of other moms out there aren't perfect. To see that other people let the laundry go sometimes or let their kids play in the Butt-paste just to buy five more minutes of peace. (or is that just me?)

So, here's where you come in. Email me your pics. Your real pics. Not your organized pantry pics. Not your kid's perfectly-posed outdoor Easter shots. No gorgeous table settings and no shots looking amazing in spandex while running a 10K. All great things...just not what I'm going for here.

Every Friday, I will feature a reader's realistic pic in"Oh Snap! Shots". And if you'd prefer, you can choose to remain anonymous, so no one will even know your craziness. (Well, I will, but trust me, there ain't no judgement here...)

So, START SNAPPING! Pictures of your dirty dish pile. Pictures of your kids melting down. Even pictures where you, *GASP*, have on no make-up. I need material people! Don't let me down!


PS. You can tag me on Facebook on your pics. Add a caption or some words  I will share those, too!


Aaaaand, GO!  Can't wait to see them...


         -BRI