Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Confessions of a Mommy

Opie, age 8 & Peanut, age 2


I think I am a good Mom.

But, there's always this nagging thought in the back of my mind, "Am I a good enough Mom?" 

I could list you ten things right off the top of my head that make me question my abilities. And, after a heart to heart with my tearful, overwhelmed third-grader last night, my suspicions were confirmed.

I am not the mom that I want to be.


Opie was overwhelmed with school and my high expectations on him. He also admitted that he was angry and hurt because many times I don't follow through on my word.

My heart broke. In all of my striving to be so good, I had still failed. 

I apologized, thanked him for sharing his feelings and we hugged it out. I assured him that I would try to be better at sticking to my word and being consistent. I told him that God was showing me ways I needed to change. It was a much-needed conversation. 

After he went to bed, I shared with my husband how disappointed I was with myself.

"Brianne," he said, "he knows you are sorry and that you love him. You are more fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants and that's okay. There are moms who are better organized, but there's even a down-side to that. There are pros and cons to both. Kids can thrive in both circumstances. But, everyone makes mistakes."

"But, I don't want to make mistakes!" I told him.

"Good luck with that," he said. "Every kid will look back and see the mistakes their parents made. But, love covers a multitude of sins."

I thought about what he said. I have all day. This expectation of making no mistakes is totally unrealistic. It's actually prideful. I mean, I don't really expect to be "perfect", but I'd like to be pretty darn close.  

But, is perfection what good parenting is about? 

More craft time? 

Fancier dinners? 

Better organization?

I'm beginning to think not.

Maybe...

...it's about accepting our imperfections, yet in that acceptance, asking God to change us into a better version of ourselves. 

...by living this out in front of my kids, they will better understand the grace of God and not live under the pressure of perfection.

...even my mistakes are a chance for me to point my boys to the only One who will never let them down.


Now, I will continue to strive to be a better Mommy. After all, my word is important and I want my boys to be able to count on me. However, I am only human. 

My ultimate goal should not be perfection as a Mom. There's no good in that. 

It should be my goal to be a mother who constantly points them to the God who takes imperfections and turns them around into His glory!

Lord, make me that mother! And let my strivings for perfection and other's approval not interfere with my ability to mother these two precious souls you have given me. Let me love them as you would. Whatever that looks like...







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9 comments:

  1. Bri I have beat myself up at the horrible mistakes that I have made at a mother. I love my kids and they love me through it all. I did try to be there for my children but I too let them down. I was and am not a perfect mom. My kids still love me but now that they are older they have started laughing at my mistakes and enjoy the imperfections. Pointing them out gives them such joy. LOL. Brianne, you are a Great MOM. Just let your kids me kids and you be a mom. Everything will work out.
    I love you
    Aunt Carol

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  2. Have you read Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel? It's really good, one of those go-to books. I read it before I had kids and have done about 2 more studies on it since. :) It's about how God shows us grace, and we should show grace to our kids, and I also think it's important we give ourselves some grace too! You're absolutely right, it's NOT about being perfect. Who decides what that is anyway? You are raising your boys to the best of your ability, and God will help you get through the rest. It shows great strength and wisdom on your part that you are teaching your kids to look at ways you are letting God help you grow and work on things. It teaches your kids that you never stop growing and learning. What a blessing that will be for your boys to look back on one day.
    Thank you for sharing this! We all struggle with this, daily!

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    1. I will have to check that out Kristen! I am not a disciplined reader. I need to be better!!! I'll have to check it out. Who'd have thought little Kristen Barron would be sharing parenting advice with me one day? Crazy!! I love it!!! Love you gal!

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    2. I ordered that book on your recommendation, Kristen. -Bri's mom

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    3. It's wild isn't it? Time flies but I'm glad we had a chance to reconnect! And I'm glad you're blogging. :)

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  3. Amen, Brianne. We humans should learn not to not only accept our weakness but also to embrace them. We must balance that with striving to follow Christ. God gives us the strength to succeed, but He also uses our weaknesses to bring about good. These are hard concepts, and it is hard to wrap our minds around it all. Raising children who are okay with themselves and can know their parents love them unconditionally, and sometimes even because, they make mistakes. This idea that we are trying to perfect children is pride. It leads to children who cannot even live up their what they set for themselves. It leads to parents who are disappointed in their children. You are on the right path, girl. Relax. Enjoy your family. Seek your own life, too, and find what it is that God wants you to do to serve others -- now and even after the children are gone.

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    1. Not sure who wrote this! I appreciate the feedback. It means a lot! This parenting stuff is hard work! :)

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  4. Hey, Bri! So proud of you for writing about a topis that's a toughie for most of us mamas! :) I am participating in a Blogger Tag Game and thought you might wanna join in. Love learning more about you!

    http://hayshousemisadventures.blogspot.com/2013/02/blogger-tag-game.html

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