My Greatest Struggle. GULP.

I can't believe I am doing this...or posting this picture...EESH. 

I envy women who "forget to eat" or can stop at just one cupcake. I don't think I have ever forgotten to eat and if you put a plate of cupcakes in front of me and left the room, they'd be disintegrated by the time you came back.

I have struggled with eating since I was fifteen years old. Before that, I was athletic and ate whatever I wanted. But, when I quit cheerleading and continued to eat junk food, the weight came on and my self-esteem plummeted. I pulled away from friends because of my struggle. It's ridiculous when I think about it, but somehow food became my "bestie". Always there and available...

I have been able to workout and keep weight at bay through the years, but this hip thing has made my struggle evident. There's only so much you can do to hide a muffin-top, a buddha-belly, and a big ol' booty and I'd rather not have a wardrobe full of black.

So, let me just call a spade a spade. I struggle with obsessive eating. I can laugh about it, grab another cupcake, and hide under the weight, but it doesn't make it better. 

Now that I am older and have popped out a few kids, I understand that I am not going to look like Gisele, no matter how hard I try. I have to be much more realistic with myself. I know weight does not define who I am, but when you are not "living" because you are battling within, there must be a change.

It's time to be Brianne again. To live life to the fullest. I owe it to myself and I owe it to my children.
With God's help, I can overcome anything. I don't want to do this to just be skinny (although I ain't gonna lie...that would be fabulous), or enjoy shopping again (wouldn't make me mad either), but to feel good again and gain self control.

I hesitated on posting this. I worried you might be disgusted and think less of me. But, then I remembered my promise in writing this blog. I promised to keep it real. To tell the whole truth. The ugly truth. And having all of you fabulous people out there cheering me on and holding me accountable couldn't hurt!

So, I am beginning a challenge: to take better care of myself. To gain back self-control and start living again. I want to be the best 'me' I can be. That's what I want for you, too. It's a choice. And I am choosing to remove food from my "Bestie" list....

Join me.

And let the Challenge begin.


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Slow Down Sista

I overdid it this past week. I was own my own again with the kids. I felt okay, so I put the crutches aside and did my thang.

And now, I can hardly walk.

Sooooo, back on crutches. And it's killing me! I am losing whatever physical fitness I had by not being able to workout each day. My mom snapped a picture of me sitting by the pool, holding my crutches and eating. There's nothing worse than a fat picture of yourself sitting in a filled-out chair and stuffing your face. It's like adding insult to injury. So, while Mom handed me the camera to snap one of her with the baby, I deleted them. I can not have those bad boys posted on Facebook. Yikes.

That being said, I recognize there is something I can do since I can't exercise. Eating like there is about to be a worldwide rationing of food, though, is not that thing. So, I am going to change some areas of my life that I can control, like increasing my fruit and veggie intake and eating less process foods.

I started by joining an organic co-op. I picked up the box of healthy goodness last Thursday. There were five Peruvian bananas (from Peru...Does that make me a banana snob?), four Valencia oranges, cherries, blueberries, four white peaches, collard greens, two Mexican tomatoes of some kind, two zucchini, summer onions, carrots with edible greens, basil, and kohlrabi.

It was yummy, but there wasn't enough fruit to last us three days in our house, which meant another big expensive order or a trip to the grocery store. Lance and I took an hour to cut everything up. It was quite time consuming. Call me lazy, but I hate chopping, dicing, washing, slicing, and peeling produce. I'm one of those people who buy the produce whole to save money, only to "rediscover" it again a few days after it has expired substantially.

It's a vicious cycle. One I must break.

So, no organic co-op for me. Too expensive for too little food. I guess I will try the Farmer's Market next week. Maybe I can find some local produce that I can buy in large quantities and not have to break the bank. Take a gander at the pic I snapped for you guys after I picked up from the co-op this week. Guess you can say I still have some bad habits to break...