|I can't believe I am doing this...or posting this picture...EESH.|
I envy women who "forget to eat" or can stop at just one cupcake. I don't think I have ever forgotten to eat and if you put a plate of cupcakes in front of me and left the room, they'd be disintegrated by the time you came back.
I have struggled with eating since I was fifteen years old. Before that, I was athletic and ate whatever I wanted. But, when I quit cheerleading and continued to eat junk food, the weight came on and my self-esteem plummeted. I pulled away from friends because of my struggle. It's ridiculous when I think about it, but somehow food became my "bestie". Always there and available...
I have been able to workout and keep weight at bay through the years, but this hip thing has made my struggle evident. There's only so much you can do to hide a muffin-top, a buddha-belly, and a big ol' booty and I'd rather not have a wardrobe full of black.
So, let me just call a spade a spade. I struggle with obsessive eating. I can laugh about it, grab another cupcake, and hide under the weight, but it doesn't make it better.
Now that I am older and have popped out a few kids, I understand that I am not going to look like Gisele, no matter how hard I try. I have to be much more realistic with myself. I know weight does not define who I am, but when you are not "living" because you are battling within, there must be a change.
It's time to be Brianne again. To live life to the fullest. I owe it to myself and I owe it to my children.
With God's help, I can overcome anything. I don't want to do this to just be skinny (although I ain't gonna lie...that would be fabulous), or enjoy shopping again (wouldn't make me mad either), but to feel good again and gain self control.
I hesitated on posting this. I worried you might be disgusted and think less of me. But, then I remembered my promise in writing this blog. I promised to keep it real. To tell the whole truth. The ugly truth. And having all of you fabulous people out there cheering me on and holding me accountable couldn't hurt!
So, I am beginning a challenge: to take better care of myself. To gain back self-control and start living again. I want to be the best 'me' I can be. That's what I want for you, too. It's a choice. And I am choosing to remove food from my "Bestie" list....
And let the Challenge begin.
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