I've hit a rough patch on this journey of finding myself.
Life as a wife with a traveling husband, a toddler and an active eight year-old is proving to be a lot. I have two upcoming women's Bible studies (one of which I am leading), a speaking engagement (of which I am stoked about!), and Opie just started Fall Baseball. Throw in sewing lessons, church work and writing a blog and it's a wonder I'm not in a padded room wearing a snug white jacket.
Case in point:
Today, as I was leaving for Opie's baseball practice, I drove to our mailbox to pick up the mail. (You have to drive around to the back of our house to an adjacent street.) As I was driving home from Opie's practice, it hit me. I never got the mail. I had driven to the mailbox, done a complete one-eighty and had never even given the mail a second thought.
Yes. It is time for a mental
I love this blog. It's such a joy to write to you about life and my craziness. But, lately, it's become too much. My marriage and my role as a Mommy have been suffering. And my relationship with the One who gives me the strength to endure all of the craziness has gotten shuffled around. This can't be.
Today, I got on my knees for the first time in a long time. Oh, I pray all of the time. But, it'd been a while since I had physically kneeled to pray. There is something so powerful in that. I simply asked God to help me be still.
To be still.
To be healed and changed.
To play with my boys and mentally be there in that moment.
To live a day without blogging about it.
To do away with my Pin-security.
To put the kids to bed, without hurrying.
To snuggle with my husband instead of sitting next to him with a computer in my lap. (Do you know how thrilled he will be to hear this?)
You see ladies, it is not possible to have it all. To do one thing, we must give up something else.
Every day we make choices on what we do with our time. Those choices reveal what our heart desires.
Is it money? Fame? Popularity? Am I trying to prove something to others? To myself?
The truth is, I already know I am deeply loved. By my Creator. By my family. My husband. My children. And it is that love that keeps me going. Striving. To constantly be asking, "Lord, change me. Into the person You want me to be. For You. For them. For me."
This isn't good-bye. This is just 'you won't be seeing as much of me for a while'. I will have to post occasional stories of my crazy antics (just to make you laugh), deep thoughts I have to put into words and whatever amazing things come my way. I even have a gorgeous jewelry give-away to do. (So, you know I won't be going too far!)
But, I must live my life in the season I am given. And right now, this is the Oh-my-word-how-can-I-manage-all-of-this-insanity-without-looking-like-a-trainwreck Season.
Now, don't lose any sleep tonight. (okay, I flatter myself) You ain't heard the last of me yet. I'm just gonna limit my writing to when I can actually do it without sacrificing my kiddos, my marriage, and my sanity.
It's a thin thread, people. A thin thread. :)
PS. Thanks for all of your support, comments and love. It is why I do this. I can't wait to see what God has in store, so when I return full-force, oh, the stories we will share!