Why I HAVE To Work Out

I have always hated working out. 

I would give it two weeks and then usually throw my hands up since I didn't have the results I wanted. I really expected to undo years of laziness with a few days on the Elliptical. 

But, when my weight skyrocketed after hip surgery and my depression started rearing it's ugly head again, I knew I had a choice. I could continue down the path to a low quality of life or I could finally start to live again. 

I can't say life has been peachy since I have started this road to get back in shape. If anything, life has thrown me some major curveballs with Opie's illness and my hope at times has been hanging on by a thread. However, if it wasn't for the gym, I think I would be one giant lump of negativity.

I struggle with negativity anyway. God is really trying to teach me new ways to think. I am just finally seeing that to think clearly, I needed to have as much going in my favor as possible. Life is hard enough, without the constant internal dialogue of how fat you feel and how you wish you could enjoy shopping again and how you wish you could stop eating yourself out of boredom and sadness and etc, etc, etc...

Been there folks. 

And some days, my mind wants to go back there. 

I want to live life to the fullest with these two. 

But, I will NOT go back to that. In all of the trials we have had as a family the past few months, I can not imagine where I'd be emotionally had I not determined to take better care of myself. By finally choosing to work out for the right reasons (to be stronger, to avoid depression, to be an example for my kids, to be able to play with my boys without tiring out, etc) I am no longer worrying about the scale or how fast I can look like Giselle. I do it because I finally feel like Brianne. Like I have overcome a challenge. Like I have strength I wasn't aware of. 

And I feel like my life has only begun. 

Lord, help me continue to take care of this body you have given me. May I never lose sight that You are the hope I have. That You are the giver of my strength. And that even when this body fails me, You will never fail me. Teach me to be wise in my choices and to live my faith in ACTION. 

I am not Supermom, but I am determined to be Super at being a better mom.